 |
My husband Jim and I were married in August of 1989. At the time, I had
a 6 yr old son from a previous marriage. Already 2 months pregnant on
our wedding day, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in March of 1990.
He was healthy and just perfect! When our son was about 18 months old,
we decided to try for baby number 3. I was getting a bit concerned when
more than 6 months had gone by and I still had not concieved. I had
talked to my nurse practioner in the summer of 1992 about this. She
assured me that all was well; I was just 29 years old and I'd already
had two healthy pregnancies. She encouraged me to just be patient and
keep trying. We did keep trying :) .. and in October of 1992 I had
missed my period, and I just knew I was pregnant. I could feel it. I
bought a home pregnancy test at the store, and it was positive! Very
positive. Jim and I were so excited! We were going to have a bundle of
joy in our lives once again. We felt certain this baby would be the
little girl that would make our family complete.
About 2 weeks after the positive pregnancy test, I woke up one Friday
morning..and I just didn't feel pregnant anymore. I don't quite know
how I knew it; it just seemed odd that I didn't feel moody, tired and
queazy like was used to feeling. There was no spotting or bleeding,
just this very different feeling.
I called my doctor's office (I hadn't yet had my first prenatal visit)
and told the nurse how I felt. She had me come in right away to do a
HCG test in the office. She looked at the test window carefully, not
saying anything. "Well, is it positive?", I asked anxiously. "It is
positive, but it's a very weak positive. It could be very early in the
pregnancy.", she said reassuringly. I told her no, that I had had a
strong positive home test 2 weeks ago. According to my dates, I
should've been about 7 weeks pregnant. She just patted my hand and told
me to try not to worry about it. "Go home, and take it easy." She
reminded me that Dr. Rosen was on call over the weekend. She told me to
call him if there were any problems. Any "problems", I thought? Her
advice worried me. I suddenly had the feeling she knew there would be
problems that weekend. Later that evening, my husband left for work. I
had just finished the dinner dishes, and went to the bathroom. There, I
saw some brown spotting. I thought, "OH no..I don't want to see this."
I immediately called Dr. Rosen and he told me I could be miscarrying,
but if I wasn't cramping it could be implantation spotting. I wasn't
cramping, so he told me to just take it easy for the night, and let him
know how things were in the morning. I put my 2 boys to bed and went to
bed myself. By 9 pm, I was spotting bright red. The cramps were
starting, too. Now, I KNEW this was not going to be ok. I called Dr.
Rosen back and he told me if I was cramping with bright red bleeding, I
was likely miscarrying. He said it wasn't necessary to go to the ER
unless I was hemmoraging. He advised that I stay in bed and to call him
back in the morning. Throughout that night, I bled. And oh, the cramps!
They were cramps that felt more like early labor pains. I couldn't
sleep through my prayers and tears. The pain was horrible, both
physically and emotionally. I never called my husband at work. I knew I
was losing the baby and there was nothing I or anyone could do to stop
it. I would just tell him when he got home. At about 5 in the morning,
I'd made one last trip to the bathroom to change pads..and with one
final, excruciating cramp I felt something like a clot slip out of me.
In the toilet, I saw a tissue-like substance. My BABY! Oh my God, my
baby! I reached my hand right into the toilet and pulled out those
fragments, shocking myself with the act. Sobbing, I gently placed them
in a paper cup. I washed myself up, covered the cup and fell into bed
weeping. The pain in my body had stopped, but my heart was breaking. I
cried myself to sleep... The next morning, I informed my husband when
he came home. He was sad and did his best to comfort me, but I couldn't
understand why he didn't seem as heartbroken as I was. I did call the
doctor at 10 am Saturday; when I informed him that my bleeding had
completely stopped, he told me to see him Monday morning in the office.
I brought the cup with the baby in it with me to the appointment. My
cervix was closed, no bleeding at all. The doctor mentioned it was
likely a "blighted ovum". He explained that meant an embryo stops
developing. To be sure, the tissue was sent out to the lab. A few days
later, I was matter-of-factly told by a nurse over the phone, "It was a
blighted ovum. There was no baby, only placental fragments." Her only
explanation when I asked exactly how that happened was that it means
the baby never grew due to a 'severe error at conception'.
Severe error at conception? I felt like a freak. I know that sounds
stupid, but I did. I was reassured by my doctor that I was not a freak,
and that it was a random occurance, actually a fairly common one. And
that I had an excellent chance at having a healthy pregnancy again.
Happily, I was pregnant again 6 months later. Our precious daughter was
born in January 1994! Jim and I were thrilled beyond words; we had the
little girl we'd been praying for, and my two boys had a little sister
to love. It has been a little over 9 years now, but I still think about
my baby I lost. The baby they said never was. But the baby was real to
me. It hurt me so badly when I lost her. (I like to think she was a
girl). Though I know I would not have my dear 7 year old daughter had I
not lost this little angel, I will always remember my baby, and the
short time I'd hoped and dreamed for her.
Well, there's my story. I'm sorry if it was long and overly graphic,
but I wanted to write it just as it happened to me. I think it's the
first time I ever told the whole story from start to finish to anyone
besides my husband. Thanks for reading it and God Bless!
Sincerely,
Jeannie C. 11/20/01
Back to the
Blighted Ovum Page
|
|
